The Four Dollars

September 15, 2010

Earlier this month, I woke up and got ready for work and discovered a note taped to my door. Which was odd, because, why tape it to the door when I was inside the entire time and you could just knock and hand it to me.

It was one of those “Hey, you’re rent’s due” notes. Which was interesting considering I cut them a check a couple days earlier. I remember because, oh, it was the first and thus far only time I’d paid them.

It was also my last check. I have to order new ones with my new address on them, since those ones are about five addresses old.

I was mulling over all these things when I noticed the amount I owed them: $4.00.

The entire time I spoke with people about this place, they quoted me a monthly rent of $595. And the first time I’m hearing $599 is now. So I pillage through my stuff, and find my lease… son of a– $599. Those inflatin’ bastards.

So I wander over to the rental office, and give them my best “WTF is this weak sauce” over $4 stinking dollars. I pull a fist-full of cash out of my pocket and ask if I can just give them their $4 now, but they don’t accept cash for rent. And while a measly $4, it’s still $4 of rent.  It did give me the opportunity to say “You think I have to sell drugs to get four bucks?”

I explain the check situation and how I’d gladly pay it now if I could, but I didn’t since I was quoted the wrong price (BY THEM) and now I don’t have checks. I don’t want to get a $50 late fee for a $4 balance.

Luckily, common sense prevailed and they told me they’d take the $4 off and add it to my rent for next month.  And it was all good. Until yesterday when another note appeared on my door. Fudge.

When I go into the office, I get the same common sense as before from a different girl behind the desk. But when says “If it does give you a late fee, we’d just take it off,” I remember that she said she can’t take the $4 off now and add it later. And luckily I got a stash of old checks, because when she said that and could pay them their blood money to get them off my back with no late fees.

And now both parties have invested way too much time in four freaking dollars.

The New Capital of the World: Stockton.

August 28, 2010

I signed up for cable on Monday. They told me the earliest they could get out to hook it up is in three weeks.

It’s a freaking cable box. I plug the cables into the back and its done. Can’t I just pick the thing up? I know it’s HD, but I have a college degree, I can handle five cords.

There is no conceivable reason for this to take three weeks.   They do installs from 9-5, Monday through Saturday. Let’s say it’s one guy working all 48 hours, and that guy completes one install every half hour. That means I’m the 288th household in line.

The 288 new households equates to a population growth rate of 13.8% for the metro area. PER INSTALL GUY.

I saw three trucks on the street on Thursday. Now, it’s probably three people working a combined 96 hours for two install “guys” per week.  Which means there’s really 576 new households. That’s a population growth rate of 17.5%

That’s only like 63rd in the country. But those rates are over a 10-year period from 2000 to 2010. So, we’d really be at a 92.9% growth rate. Which is easily the highest in America and well over twice the growth rate of the Mormon capital of the world (of course, their households are limited to one new member per nine months).

So, what AT&T Cable is trying to tell me is that: A) they have three install guys and B) In 2020, the population of Stockton, California will go from 674,860 people in 2009 to 6.3 million.

Or maybe I have this all wrong and they have more install guys. If they have a team of say, 21 install guys, that means I’m 4032nd in line (which would make it easier to accept a three-week wait). But that means in 10 years we’ll have 39.9 million people and be 7 million people larger than Tokyo, the current largest city in the world.

I don’t even want to consider the ramification of the fact that we have TWO cable companies. All things being equal, this metro area would be the size of the 18th largest country in the world and over 1% of the world’s population would live here in 2020.  Hmmm. Maybe we could get our own MLB and NHL teams (Not that I could watch them on cable).

Just bring me the cable box already. I clearly need the entertainment.

Stupidest Thing I Have Ever Read.

April 14, 2009

Found on the internet:

So a friend of mine is taking on an experiment. He’s a small time [drug] dealer and wanted to get a job so his taxes look legit. So he got a job at McDonald’s. 100% of every paycheck (so far he’s had two totaling  $405) is going into lotto tickets. Right now he’s trying to see what works best – he’s done everything from scratch offs to mega millions. He won $300 on a $2 scratch off yesterday. He says his total is about $50 in the green. This really doesn’t sound like an awful idea.

This is by far the stupidest thing I have ever read. The sheer ridiculousness of this is overwhelming.

#1 – You have a job to make money. Whether your job is legitimate or not, your goal is to make money. So blowing your loot on lottery tickets is stupid and contrary to the reason you have a job.

#2 – The fact that you’d do something illegal for money shows how far you’re willing to go to make money, which doubles the stupidity of pissing said money away.

#3 – Isn’t the whole point of dealing drugs to avoid working a crappy job at McDonalds? Now you’re doing both? You’re devoting twice as much time into making the same amount of money. Horrible waste of time.

#4 – If you’re going to do a hairbrained scheme, pick something with a higher rate of return. Gamble on sports, or learn to count cards.

#5 – Your stupid measures STILL would result in tax evasion charges, because your income has increased and you took measures solely to hide that fact.

#6 – If you’re willing to engage in illegal activity for money (sell drugs), then why would you care about simple tax evasion, which bears a much softer penalty in the event that you’re caught?