In light of recent events (and I noticed a substantial increase in traffic this week, thanks!), I sent this letter to Conan O’Brien today:
I’d like to offer you my services for your FOX show, err, next future project. I’m suddenly available because the dim-witted morons who are in charge of our operation decided to screw me over with a poor decision that was convenient for them, but really wasn’t thought through all the way (Stop me when this sounds familiar).
Anyhow, I’m a media relations specialist, with a journalism and creative writing background. I didn’t get quite the severance package you did, so you may have to pry me away from an Arby’s in September, but I’m more than willing to ditch the exciting world of third-rate fast food joints for a network that’s third-rate in late night television.
I work hard and I’m willing to caress myself while wearing a costume of any wild animal. And if you need me to do that on your new show, even better.
I can send along a resume if you’re interested.