Smells Like LSU

August 12, 2009

So, LSU (along with North Carolina and Penn State) are putting out colognes.

Seriously.

Seriously.

No, really. They have a signature fragrance.

According to the Product Description: fresh splash of Frozen Basil, Calabrian Bergamot and Armoise. Transcend your spirit as Provencal Lavender, Crushed Sage, Violet Leaf and Clove Bud Madagascar blend for a cool, purple sensory experience. Take a deep breath and relax while Incense, Indonesian Vetiver, Patchouli and Oakmoss encourage you to soak in the warmth of the amber sun.

Wow, that paragraph reads like J.Peterman’s finest.

How do you transcend your spirit anyway? How can you go to a higher plane than your spirit? The word transcend means “to triumph over the negative or restrictive aspects of.”  So, LSU fans are trying to triumph over their very existence? Um, yeah… me too.

Well, I’m not surprised their description makes no sense, seeing as how they abbreviate LSU because their applicant pool can’t spell Louisiana State University.

So let me help them out with a more accurate description: Cover your stank with a powerful aroma to that will last for several minutes in the sweaty, oppressive, Louisiana humidity. The cool swamp water, mixed with Crystal hot sauce, box salt, crawfish boil brine and PBR create a pleasureful toxic gumbo that will have you smelling as fresh as Mike The Tiger’s cage!


The Anti-Fan

June 24, 2009

The Roommate and I were watching Texas and LSU in the College World Series last night. LSU, with a win, would be national champions.

So naturally, we were rooting for LSU to fail and have their hopes and dreams crushed. Not out of a love for Texas (I wish they both could lose), but because they are up river by an hour and everyone in Louisiana is an LSU fan despite the fact that 90% of them went to another college, or no college at all.

Spite, really. We rooted against them for spite. We were joined by another friend, who was also rooting hard against LSU and we went out in public, to a local dive.

The roommate expressed that he hates being “the anti-fan” but I pointed out that the joy he felt when Texas beat LSU, 5-1, was genuine, and he couldn’t turn it off. You can’t lie to yourself about it. And it’s probably a normal thing for people.

You prefer indifference to your enemies, because it means their success doesn’t affect you. But, you just can’t help rooting against them.

Besides, they’ll probably never find out. And if they win… well, as Sidney Crosby shows here, the winners have no problem sleeping at night:

Winners sleep with the Stanley Cup

Winners sleep with the Stanley Cup