Reality is Boring

February 5, 2009

My parents have been watching this season of The Bachelor. I think they are a little too into it, since in our last conversation, my mom referenced it like six times and my dad proposed submitting me as an applicant for next season.

I informed them that this would be a horrible idea, because I would give a profanity-laced tirade on camera that would be certain to make me a YouTube cult phenomenon, and they’d be embarassed to have me as a son.

I think all reality TV is garbage. It basically shows that networks have given up on writing decent concepts and plots and have stooped to showing the train wrecks of attentions whores lives on TV.

I’m more disgusted with people who actually watch it, because most people who watch can sit there and judge these (stupid) people and remember the most minute detail of these people’s lives. I think that time would be better spent knowing the details of the lives of people they actually know and care about.

I haven’t watched reality TV since the Real World (with two noteworthy exceptions. I’m an acquaintance of the guy who won the first Amazing Race, so I watched him; and I’ve watched Big Brother as a sport because my friends in Dayton watch and it gives us something to talk about when 24 isn’t in season).

Stephen King’s vision of TV game shows was spot on. I personally won’t watch reality TV until we have shows in which people are competing for MAJOR prizes and their lives are at stake.

The Running Man (book, not bad movie) was a great concept, as was the video game based on it (Smash TV). The other good one he wrote (as Richard Bachman) was The Long Walk: where 100 people start walking and they can only dip below a pace of 4 mph three times before they are shot in the head. The last person walking wins.

That’s entertainment. Some losers (or skank pooping on the rug, for example) trying to become famous by turning a season of bad TV into a bad D-list acting career and eventual sex tape is not entertaining. It’s stupid and depressing.

This whole post was an excuse to use a picture of Joss Stone
This whole post was an excuse to use a picture of Joss Stone

The funny thing is, I don’t want actual actors on TV because I’m some celebrity fan. I actually don’t get all fired up about celebrities, I don’t care who’s dating whom, or anything like that (except of course health issues I can gamble on). I don’t even get the point of collecting autographs. Once case in point: I had weird dream the other night in which I was downtown in New Orleans during Mardi Gras and saw Joss Stone. I had a difficult time approaching her in said dream. In the dream, one of my friends pre-empted me in approaching her and some of my other friends were mad at him, telling him he shouldn’t have done it because he knows I’m a huge fan, yada yada yada. I remember thinking, in the dream, I’m NOT a fan. I don’t want to approach her because she’s famous. I want to approach her because she’s an incredibly attractive woman. I wouldn’t want to sound like a fan, and I’d be just as awkward around her as any stranger in the bar I was trying to make conversation with.

In a way, that dream is the perfect metaphor for how I view TV: I’ve got Joss Stone in a dream, and the context of the dream is so unbelieveably boring because it’s a real life situation that goes no where. That’s so boring and lame. I’d have enjoyed a dream about Joss Stone much more if it was an erotic thriller, romantic comedy, music documentary, drama, action or sit-com. Instead, I’m left with a lame cameo where she doesn’t even use her amazing voice. I wasn’t entertained at all.

Oh well, at least it wasn’t American Idol.