Crazy Dream Part (Whatever)

February 12, 2010

The other night, I had a dream where my friend was engaged, and I wanted to talk her out of marrying the guy because I thought he was some clown. So I went and confronted my friend. But obviously, she got mad and there was a fight.

When I woke up, I remembered this and there’s zero reason for me to ever share that with anyone ever, lest you all think I’m in love or obsessed with my friend, whom we’ll call Stephanie. So I went on with my life for about six hours. Then I was watching the Simpsons and remembered the rest of the dream:

After that, I was at my friend Amanda’s house. She was serving me coffee and/or tea and asked me how it went with Stephanie, while she had a slew of papers and files in front of her on her kitchen table.

Now, Amanda and Stephanie are unaware of each other’s existence in real life. And I actually fell out of touch with Amanda after we graduated from college, but just recently caught up with her. She’s married with  six kids, who were quite well behaved in my dream.

So as I’m filling her in, she’s telling me that I probably should have expected that reaction, and that I shouldn’t expect my friend to believe me over the man she wants to marry without proof.

She continues to sift through her slew of files and finally finds what she’s looking for: A picture of one of her kids’ birthday party, featuring Stephanie’s fiancé, entertaining the children as a clown.

When I said, clown, I didn’t just mean “the guy was a tool.” The guy was a freaking clown. And an evil one at that. Not only did he not share his  obsessive need to dress up as a clown with his fiancé, who he knew was terrified of clowns, but he also had a fiendish plot to torture and kill Stephanie.

And that’s why I have my doubts about the whole dream symbolism thing. That says “To see a clown in you dream, symbolizes absurdity, light-heartedness, and a childish side to your own character.” And would clearly suggest I’ve got a thing for Stephanie.

But that ignores that (a) We all know Stephanie is terrified of clowns in real life. It’s a running joke among our friends. (b) I asked Stephanie if she saw the commercial with the family on the porch, staring inside at the clown doll the family got for Christmas and showed her the video. (c) just before going to bed that night, I saw that commercial (d) during the Simpson’s episode where the talking Krusty the Clown doll was trying to kill Homer.

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Stream of Consciousness XI (Subconcious Edition)

October 16, 2009

Have you ever dreamed about a guy who’s kind of pale, with a short, round face and big bushy eyebrows? His eyes and mouth are big on his face. He has a receding hairline, and a slight smile. Have you ever seen him in a dream?

Is it sad that when I have back-to-back nights were I’m asleep by 1:30 a.m., I start thinking “is there something wrong with me? Maybe I’m sick.”

I’m just so used to being up late, that going to bed at midnight or one, and being asleep within an hour is extremely rare for me.

I think the most ironic (?) thing would be if I was really tired, and about to go to sleep and then got paranoid that I had some serious illness. And that paranoia kept me awake all night. Like, “Oh my God I’m sleeping all the time. It’s probably lukemia!” and then I was up. But you’d think at around 3 a.m., I’d feel normal and be at peace again.

My streak of good sleep nights was broken up by thunderstorms. I have a friend who doesn’t care for them. She gets on edge during them, especially when she’s alone.

So last night, when the thunderstorms were pretty wicked, I thought “Gee, I hope my friend’s okay.”

And then I thought “It’s freaking thunder. She’s a 26 year old woman, not a frightened puppy! Of course she’s okay. WTF is the matter with me?”

Is this a sign that I’m a bad person? That I sometimes get mad at myself for being compassionate?


This is Not Going To Be a Good Day

October 9, 2009

The other day, I had pretty bad day at work (Good ending though). And the worst part, was that I knew it was going to be a bad day because the last dream I had before waking up went something like this:

— I woke up with a headache.
— Was looking in the mirror and noticed a gouge in my head.
— Upon further investigation, I had a crack in my freaking head and a hole in my skull and a steady stream of blood was pumping out of it… much like a scene in Saving Private Ryan on the beach.
— I put my head under cold water to slow down the bleeding. I was getting lightheaded and woozy and calling to my family to come help me…

And then I woke up for real.

This did not strike me as a good omen. So I consulted the internet:

– To dream that you are bleeding or losing blood, signifies that you are suffering from exhaustion or that you are feeling emotionally drained.

– To see a skull in your dream, symbolizes danger and death. Alternatively, it denotes the secrets of the mind.

– To see your brain in your dream, suggests that you are under severe intellectual stress. It may also symbolize your problem-solving abilities and that you need to put those abilities to use. Alternatively, it may imply that your ideas are not receiving enough attention and validation. You are concerned that your knowledge and teachings are not be transmitted clearly.

– To dream that you are calling or signaling for help, suggests that you are feeling lost, overwhelmed, and/or inadequate.

– To dream that you are or feel helpless, suggests that you are experiencing difficulties in confronting a situation or relationship. You feel that you are unable to take charge of yourself.

That is some deep, heavy depressing shit right there.


Stream of Consciousness VII

June 7, 2009

One of my favorite local bloggers tends to write far less when she’s swamped at work, and post frequently when her schedule’s clear. I find myself more the opposite. The more free time I have, the less things actually happen to write about. I’m left with random worthless thoughts like:

The temperature in my apartment always either too hot or too cold. Kind of like a normal shower. Only my shower is always too cold. How can the temperature of my place be 82 when the heat is off and the high outside was 81?

And I had a dream in which my presence around the north pole meant I couldn’t really keep my pee for long periods of time without needing go (like, being on the top of the world meant gravity is pulling down towards the south pole? That makes no sense!). But then I woke up and realized that I really had to pee extremely badly. So instead of wondering why I had such a crazy dream, I was just grateful I didn’t wet my bed.


Reality is Boring

February 5, 2009

My parents have been watching this season of The Bachelor. I think they are a little too into it, since in our last conversation, my mom referenced it like six times and my dad proposed submitting me as an applicant for next season.

I informed them that this would be a horrible idea, because I would give a profanity-laced tirade on camera that would be certain to make me a YouTube cult phenomenon, and they’d be embarassed to have me as a son.

I think all reality TV is garbage. It basically shows that networks have given up on writing decent concepts and plots and have stooped to showing the train wrecks of attentions whores lives on TV.

I’m more disgusted with people who actually watch it, because most people who watch can sit there and judge these (stupid) people and remember the most minute detail of these people’s lives. I think that time would be better spent knowing the details of the lives of people they actually know and care about.

I haven’t watched reality TV since the Real World (with two noteworthy exceptions. I’m an acquaintance of the guy who won the first Amazing Race, so I watched him; and I’ve watched Big Brother as a sport because my friends in Dayton watch and it gives us something to talk about when 24 isn’t in season).

Stephen King’s vision of TV game shows was spot on. I personally won’t watch reality TV until we have shows in which people are competing for MAJOR prizes and their lives are at stake.

The Running Man (book, not bad movie) was a great concept, as was the video game based on it (Smash TV). The other good one he wrote (as Richard Bachman) was The Long Walk: where 100 people start walking and they can only dip below a pace of 4 mph three times before they are shot in the head. The last person walking wins.

That’s entertainment. Some losers (or skank pooping on the rug, for example) trying to become famous by turning a season of bad TV into a bad D-list acting career and eventual sex tape is not entertaining. It’s stupid and depressing.

This whole post was an excuse to use a picture of Joss Stone
This whole post was an excuse to use a picture of Joss Stone

The funny thing is, I don’t want actual actors on TV because I’m some celebrity fan. I actually don’t get all fired up about celebrities, I don’t care who’s dating whom, or anything like that (except of course health issues I can gamble on). I don’t even get the point of collecting autographs. Once case in point: I had weird dream the other night in which I was downtown in New Orleans during Mardi Gras and saw Joss Stone. I had a difficult time approaching her in said dream. In the dream, one of my friends pre-empted me in approaching her and some of my other friends were mad at him, telling him he shouldn’t have done it because he knows I’m a huge fan, yada yada yada. I remember thinking, in the dream, I’m NOT a fan. I don’t want to approach her because she’s famous. I want to approach her because she’s an incredibly attractive woman. I wouldn’t want to sound like a fan, and I’d be just as awkward around her as any stranger in the bar I was trying to make conversation with.

In a way, that dream is the perfect metaphor for how I view TV: I’ve got Joss Stone in a dream, and the context of the dream is so unbelieveably boring because it’s a real life situation that goes no where. That’s so boring and lame. I’d have enjoyed a dream about Joss Stone much more if it was an erotic thriller, romantic comedy, music documentary, drama, action or sit-com. Instead, I’m left with a lame cameo where she doesn’t even use her amazing voice. I wasn’t entertained at all.

Oh well, at least it wasn’t American Idol.


Dream Weaver

December 7, 2008

To see a long beard in your dream, is representative of old age and insight, and wisdom.

I’ve had a few dreams the past couple of months where I’ve been in front of the mirror with a beard. Not a long beard, but I never have any facial hair, so it would be long by my standards. But not a ZZ top beard. Generally, I think I have this dream at 2 p.m. in the afternoon on weekends (Which is to say, when I’m sleeping in). Maybe it’s a subconscious “don’t sleep all day” message from my body to my brain.

Anyhow, the hair on my face is like ¼ to ½ inch long, much blonder than my usual hair.

So, In a quest to find out what this dream means, I consulted the internet. Hence the line at the top. So, does applying what beards mean to my dreams mean “I feel like I’m not that old, and not that wise” ? After all, it’s not a LONG beard.

Or maybe the beard isn’t the key. What about my face, jaw or neck? Which are covered in the “I need to shave” kind of beard.

To see your own jaw in your dream, represents your stubbornness, determination and forcefulness. You may need to have more willpower and fortitude in some situation.

My stubbornness is growing old? I’m losing my determination?

To see your neck in your dream, signifies the relationship between the mind/mental and the body/physical. It represents willpower, self-restriction and your need to control your feelings and keep them in check.  Consider the familiar phrase, “don’t stick your neck out” which serves as a warning against a situation.

Maybe it means I’m mature/wise enough to stick my neck out.

What about the fact that I’m standing in the mirror, looking like I’m about to shave? I think I’m contemplating if this looks good, or if I’m going to shave it off.

To dream that you are shaving, suggests that you are making a minor life-changing decision. Some aspect of your daily routine is being altered.

So I’m contemplating minor life changing decisions that involve taking a small risk, but I’ve gained some experience/wisdom to handle it, or not enough.

I’m beginning to think that this whole dream analysis is no different than horoscopes: So meatlessly vague that the reader applies a life experience to them in order to make it work. I think I should have gone to school for psychology. It seems like a lot of big words and talking about stuff, and then just a bunch of bullshit. I have no doubt they CAN be helpful, but I think that as long as you didn’t sleep with your patients or lose them to suicide, you could make tons of money just talking to people about their problems and listening to their feelings. Aren’t you really just selling your friendship?

Maybe I’ll start a friendship for hire service based on this principle. That’s a minor life-changing decision. I think I’m wise enough to handle it. Yeah, that’s the ticket. I’m going to follow the sage advice of a dream analysis website. How could that steer me wrong?