My Dramatic, Violent, and Sexy Day.

April 16, 2010

There’s nothing going on in my life, so this place is pretty boring. I brainstormed, but every topic I could think of just didn’t seem entertaining. Then it hit me. You don’t need interesting things like drama, sex and/or violence to entertain. Just talking about your boring life in an interesting way. So here’s my suddenly riveting day, with more drama, sex and violence than you could possibly want!

In a fit of rage, I thrashed off the bondage of my sheets and brutally attacked the off-button of my Blackberry Bold to escape the piercing war cry of its shrieking alarm. After delivering the death blow to its solar plexus, terror enveloped me as the last fleeting moments of morning ticked off. I escaped to the shower as noon exploded like a time bomb.

With raw anticipation, I slowly slid my fluffy pajamas off every muscular curve of my lower body, exposing a raw sexual physique of carnal flesh. It embraced the sensual downpour of fresh water descending. The refreshing fragrance of shampoo sparked an insatiable desire in the inner most recesses of my soul for the follicle lovers of years past which once adorned my scalp.

I closed my eyes, and immediately my lustful thoughts returned to the most intense intimacy I’d ever known; a love affair that I yearned to rekindle with an animal-like passion. There was no time to waste! I slammed off the faucet, and darted from my watery sanctuary as if all Satan’s minions were vomiting towards me! Pausing briefly to dress myself in an extremely erotic manner, I dove down the stairs seconds before the massive explosion that had no reason to eradicate my universe never illogically took place.

There, in the kitchen, I stood face-to-face with the most breathtaking and gorgeous lover these eyes have ever seen. I gazed lovingly into her captivating aura, lost in the beauty that steals men’s souls. She was pure, delicious…evil. Destined to destroy me. And yet I craved her. I wanted her, needed her, had to be with her. I reached for her, felt her warmth on my still erotically wet flesh. Our lips met and as I tasted the sweet nectar of the Gods, I knew I’d be her servant, her slave, her whore. Every night, this bitter-sweet exotic woman would ultimately leave me tired, naked and alone, tossing through out the night as my twisted psyche vowed to give her black heart up forever.

But at that moment, we both knew that my endless love would return to her each morning and I’d never be without the ecstasy of her freshly brewed taste.

Then after finishing that cup of coffee, I surfed the internet and watched TV for 14 hours, pausing only to eat some bacon, which was also delicious.

The End.

So Much Drama in the LBC…

April 23, 2009

When your friend is having relationship drama, it’s incredibly easy to see, identify and offer advice.

But the fundamental truth is that even when that person hears you, agrees with you, and plans to follow your advice… they completely change their tune when they’re alone with the person they have drama with.

That’s because for you, the signs are obvious. There’s clearly something wrong. To them, a change that resulted in the current dramatic conditions were so gradual, the current conditions merely became normal.

And people fear change. It’s easier to deal with the same stuff you’ve been dealing with than instigate change. What seems like chaos and drama to you is actually a comfort zone for them. Even though it’s blatantly obvious to those around you that you shouldn’t be comfortable in that situation.

So they deal with it. It’s amazing I never reached this conclusion before. But the big question is, the next time I have drama, am I going to remember this?