Reader Mail

April 5, 2010

With my massive fan base, I’m inundated with emails asking me all kinds of crazy things. So I thought I’d take the time to respond.

I found your site while googling Joss Stone for naked pictures. Do you have any?

Of course. What kind would you like? Oh, wait… you mean of Joss Stone. No, I don’t have any of her.

KevFu, love the blog, but you disappear for months at a time. What gives?

College basketball gives. I tend not to think about any interesting things during March Madness… unless you think “THAT’S A FOUL!” “ATTACK THE ZONE!” “REBOUND!” and “STROKE THE THREE!” are interesting.

Women’s Basketball? Really? Are you watching that too?

Kind of. I’ll watch women’s hoops when Dayton and Tulane are involved… or when the men’s tourney ends early on the second weekend and the women are still going on and the TV has got to be on something. That girl from Xavier missing two wide open layups to send her team to the Final Four… ouch. Let’s just say I’m glad there’s nothing that significant that I’m carrying with me for the rest of my life.

What college basketball teams do you hate?

Anyone you’ve heard of, I probably hate to some degree. It’s really a hierarchy of which ones I hate least, fluctuating based on head coach, recent success, and annoyingness of roster.

How’s the job search going?

Well, what positions do you have available?

The rest of the world is talking about the whole health care thing, any thoughts?


You’re Bejeweled Blitz scores are amazing. How do you do it?

Yes. They are amazing. I’m unemployed. What else am I doing all day, besides watching basketball?

Who the F*** are Man United?

You mean the evil Yankees of English Premier League? They are the pile of devils excrement that lies outside the city of Manchester.

Now  that the Olympics are over, you don’t care about curling, do you?

Au Contraire! The Men’s World Championships are going on!

You made the Big Brother audition line seem like it was full of normal people. C’mon, aren’t those people freaks?

Actually, I was surprised to see how many normal people there were. Generally, the people I talked to were kind of like me: extremely social extroverts who are super friendly, easy to talk to, and tend to have a bit of an ‘attention whore’ thing going.

Questions/Comments for Reader Mail can be sent to:

Curling After Dark

February 27, 2010

MSNBC stands for: Minimal Sleep: Nothing But Curling!

I’m glad curling doesn’t have its own network. Because I’ve watched MSNBC’s Curling After Dark for eight straight days, and I’m not fazed or feeling abnormal that it’s 4:05 am CT. It doesn’t even feel late.

And yes, I do have a DVR, and the 2 am match is taped from earlier in the day anyway, but I don’t care.

Normally, when you watch late night TV, you go to bed when the paid programs and infomercials come on. On Monday, with no “late” hockey game starting at 11 p.m. (CT), Curling After Dark came on AFTER a paid program.  We’re talking the only things on TV are paid programs, curling and soft-core porn movies (if I had those channels).

England’s Eve Muirhead leads a cast of curling hotties

Actually, the curling commentary is so full of double entendres that it sounds like play by play of a soft-core porn movie:

“He just needs to slide it in there, nice and tight.”

“A full 12 inches would really do some damage to Debbie McCormick and the Americas”

“She wants to rub it off right there and slide it right onto the button.”

“Johnson delivers the money shot!”

(I swear those are real. Maybe not verbatim, but paraphrased. It probably wasn’t Johnson.) But you get the idea.

I was at happy hour with friends Thursday, and we put curling on the TV at the bar. While explaining it to people around me, I realized just how much I know about curling compared to everyone else on the planet who’s not Canadian.

Curling’s Two Weeks of Popularity

February 24, 2010

Once every four years, the Winter Olympics come and people talk about curling for two weeks as this cute little quirky sport with brooms and commentators with funny Canadian accents. The popularity of it has grown, and I know tons of people who enjoy watching it during the Olympics.

But what kind of ticks me off (as a long-time curling fan who watches it online every chance I get) is how people can view it as this quirky, niche semi-sport (more like a bar game) and then rip the US team to shreds for sucking in Vancouver the last week.

You can’t have it both ways: It looks easy, but it’s not. And these aren’t like the hockey players, who’s full time job is their sport. Rip Canada Hockey, who’s STACKED and should win the gold because the NHL salaries of their team is $130 million, more than the bottom eight teams in the tournament COMBINED.

The curlers aren’t even like Shawn White, who has sponsorships, endorsements and gets paid to appear in TV events like the X-Games on ESPN.

There’s very little sponsorship money out there for curlers. The women’s team is wearing Nike uniforms at the 2010 Olympics, like these blue ones:

USA in Blue

They are Nike’s women’s volleyball uniforms…and they are their 2008 line:

Same Thing

The US team is basically self-funded by its members. US Skip (that’s captain, strategist and most often, last thrower) John Shuster is a bartender. One member of the team is quitting because he has a family to support and can’t afford to pay his own way to the big events the team needs to participate in to be good.

One of their fundraising methods was playing at a Curling Club in Minnesota, against anyone willing to walk up and fork out $40 to take them on.

So yes, John Shuster and USA men’s and women’s teams had a crappy showing among the top 10 teams in the world in a sport they participate in part time as a hobby. China’s teams are government funded (like the USSR hockey teams of the 70s and 80s).

Of course, the popularity of curling right now is really something the USCA has failed to capitalize on. Why they didn’t come out with a series of witty and awesome t-shirts/gear people can purchase online to help fund the program is beyond me. The commentary of curling (I’ll have a post on that later) is borderline dirty and full of potential double-entendres.

You can find curling t-shirts online at random places, why can’t USA Curling sell some cool shirts with slogans on them like:

Curling Rocks
Rock On
Rock The House
I Throw Rocks at Houses
Hurry! Hard!
Curling Takes Stones
Wanna Get Stoned?
Rock Star
Rock N’ Roll
Throw The Heater
If Hell Freezes Over We’ll Curl There
On The Button
My Other House is 24 Feet Wide
I Sweep But I Don’t Do Windows
Cute as a Button
The Hammer

Curling is only in people’s consciousness once every four years, and with they quasi-annual cult-following the have during the Olympics, now is the  the perfect time to get more money for their program with cool merchandise.