I Got Nothing

December 29, 2008

I need a girlfriend. Not because of any feeling of loneliness or needy urge, or biological clock. I need someone to talk to on the drive back home from holidays at my parents house.

Seven hours in a car in the south is boring. You know what’s between Houston and New Orleans? Swamp, marsh and nothing.

I know what you’re thinking: “But, you probably spent that time coming up with all kinds of great ideas/thoughts that I’d love to read about.”

Yeah, not so much. Really I only thought about the lack of driving skills by everyone in Texas and Louisiana; and my desire to light my cigar without crashing my vehicle.

Of course, it’s entirely possible that one of the reasons I thought of nothing was because of the vegetative state that Christmas gifts put me in. How can anything in my life be interesting or worth discussing if all I am doing is playing NHL09, reading Jonsey (Keith Jones’ autobiography with John Buccigross) or Inside Inside (by James Lipton), or watching the entire first season of Chuck on DVD?

Basically, I’ve come a couch potato over the holidays and the key to significantly entertaining events is the improvisation of interaction with other human beings and/or personal reflection on those incidents.

What type of reflection can I do on watching an average Joe six-pack who’s life is going no where have his life interupted by top secret government spy work and a smoking hot girlfriend who kicks terrorist ass? (well, other than “I want one of those!”).

So there’s the last few days in a nutshell: I want a smoking hot girlfriend to spice up the life, through either internation espianage, or just chatting in my car.

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Stream of Consciousness

December 18, 2008

No longer “The Ramblings” because that was a stolen idea

Kind of funny that I spend all my time telling our students not to put anything online that could get them in trouble. Then I start this site. I guess the difference is that they have something to lose and I don’t. Also, someone might actually SEE their Facebook. I think I know the 12 people visiting per day by name (Welcome to the club… Eric!)

My current philosophy on Christmas gifts is: I only buy gifts if we’re related, or I am trying to make out with you and think the gift will seal it. And I’ve actually had to cut that down because I am related to too many people now. Every year some dumbass goes and gets me something even though they aren’t related. I should just yell “No I will not make out with you!” and leave them holding the gift. But no. Now I have to buy a gift for a co-worker because he keeps giving me things. He’s a MAN. A beer is a perfectly acceptable acknowledgement of our friendship. A pat on the rear may be substituted if we are on an athletic field and I make a nice play, but there is no need for gift giving.

Why does your apartment complex (or some neighbor) always decide its a good time to mow, weed whack or leaf blow on the one day you have off to sleep in?

As much as I love technology, I can’t help but feel that science and technology have failed us. I’m not talking about the Jetson’s flying car that folds into a briefcase. I’m talking about useful things:

Im okay without the flying car, just get me a copier that works and inpenatrable synthetic teeth enamel
I’m okay without the flying car, just get me a copier that works and inpenatrable synthetic teeth enamel

Like a copier that works (C’mon, how hard is it to coat the insides in teflon so papers don’t jam? And couldn’t it know the average weight of paper, weigh the tray, do some math, and warn you that there isn’t enough to finish the job before you push start and walk away?)
And why do we have pills to get our grandfather’s dicks hard, but we haven’t eliminated dentistry? Why not synthetic enamel that is inpenatrable to acids/sugars/plaque/cavities/stuff between your teeth? Age 12, get the wisdom teeth pulled and have this sprayed on. How hard is that?

Is there any reason on the planet that companies should use Microsoft Outlook? I tried exporting all of my Thunderbird email lists to Outlook. I googled how to do it, and the only results were 9 million results for going from Outlook to Thunderbird; The only entry for going from Thunderbird TO Outlook was a forum post which read: “Why would you want to?”

How hard would it be for the NBA to set up some kind of program to let college kids know they shouldn’t go to the NBA early? Just a “hey, none of the 30 teams has you in their top 60. Stay in school.”

Regular mail is way too time consuming. My first thought when someone asked me to mail them a check was “you don’t have PayPal?”

So my cable company wants money from the last two months. A Fair request. However, they keep calling my cell phone at random times. I do not answer. Or, I answer and hang up on them. Now they have turned off my cable box (but basic cable still works by bypassing the box. Odd. Why would I pay other than my romantic relationship with my DVR?). Now I am WAITING for a call so I can pay my bill and get my DVR back. Naturally, instead of calling twice a day, they call every other day. And when I answer, they hang up on me. I’m not sure if I am pissed, or secretly impressed.

Rebel, Rebel, Yeah:

Breakin' the Rules!

Breakin' the Rules!