Happy New Year from beautiful El Paso, Texas

January 1, 2009

I know New Year’s is a time to make changes for the better in your life, and not Thanksgiving, which was 6 weeks ago. But screw that. I’m incredibly thankful for free medical attention from our training staff. One of the best perks of my job (up there with free Nike gear and per diem) is free drugs and treatment for a variety of afflictions.

We arrived after a strenuous day of travel (More on this at the bottom), and my shoulder/back/neck was all jacked up. I slept wrong on Monday night, so all Tuesday, I got this bolt of discomfort when I turned my head, or when I moved my shoulders. CL gave me a quick tweak before a ball game on Tuesday, which is how I got through the evening. But Wednesday morning, I could barely get out of bed. Mainly because CL stretched  muscles I’d never used before in my neck. Being a whiner, I complained this morning that I was in rough shape and needed another tune up.

When we arrived in El Paso, she introduced me to the best thing that doesn’t involve bacon: The stim machine. Oh, electricity pulsing through your muscles, relaxing and massaging you. I’ve got wires hooked up to all parts of my back, shoulder and neck.

I need to buy one of these.

The travel to El Paso is quite a bitch in one sense, but after hearing Louis CK on Conan (video no longer available on YouTube, sorry), I can’t complain. To quote him as accurately as I can remember:

“People talk about air travel like it’s such a horrible experience… ‘Oh my God, it was the the worst day of my life! We were delayed for a half hour. Then they kept us on the runway for like, 20 minutes. And my seat was broken, it only went back like, an inch’

Yeah, but did the chair then SOAR THROUGH THE SKY, defying the laws of gravity and God? Did you sit in a flying chair in the sky? It used to take 30 years to go from New York to Los Angeles. People would die along the way. Others would be born. You’d be with an entirely new group of people by the time you get there. Now? Five hours. You read a magazine, take a dump and you’re home. People should be sitting on an airplane yelling ‘Oh my God! I’m flying through the air!'”