Learn to Tie Shoes – Accomplished
Set this goal early in life, achieved it early, too.
First Kiss – Accomplished
Own Pants With Pockets – Accomplished
When I was roaming the playground in Osh Gosh, I thought wearing pants with pockets meant you were grown up. Now 95% of my pants have pockets, and I’m still not grown up
Sled Down the Big Hill – Accomplished
We had this awesome big hill I wanted to sled down when I was old enough (My brother once asked my mom if he could go down it when he was 25, thinking by that age, surely he’d be old enough. He looked like a fool the first snowfall after he turned 25, because when he turned 21, someone built a house on top of that hill).
Go to Disney World – Accomplished
Twice, 1986 and 1994.
Learn to Throw a Curveball – Accomplished
Once or twice.
Date a Cheerleader- Accomplished
She was way out of my league. Didn’t last.
Visit All 50 States – In Progress
I think I’m at like 37.
Graduate College- Accomplished
St. Bonaventure, 2000
By The Bar a Round – Accomplished
This is something you need to do on a Tuesday afternoon.
See the Sunrise over the Atlantic Ocean – Accomplished
Spring Break, 1999
Ride Roller Coasters at Cedar Point
Should have went when I lived in Dayton
Visit all 30 Stadiums in Major League Baseball – In Progress
They keep closing them and opening new stadiums. So far, we’ve got:
Fenway Park (Boston), Wrigley Field (Chicago), Shea Stadium (New York, now closed), Yankee Stadium (New York, now closed), Camden Yards (Baltimore), Jacobs Field (Cleveland), Great American Smallpark (Cincinnati), Miller Park (Milwaukee), Busch Stadium II (St. Louis, now closed), Veterans Stadium (Philadelphia, now closed), Riverfront Stadium (Cincinnati, now closed).
Kiss the Stanley Cup – Accomplished
I hoped to do it in uniform, but had to settle for a trip to the Hockey Hall of Fame.
Marry Someone Out of My League
Working on it
Learn to Play Guitar
Why can 15-year old high school dropouts addicted to heroin do this and I can’t?
Write a Top 200 Single
Yeah, not gonna happen
Write a Book/Have Book Published
More likely, but still a long shot.
Be On TV – Accomplished
Countless basketball games. My mom always asks what I’ll be wearing before TV games. MDG sent this text during the 2007 NCAA Tournament: “Get off my TV, I’m trying to watch the overtime!”
Go to the Indy 500
I need to experience that in person. And I want to take my dad with me.
Have 13,409 People Chant ‘Asshole’ at Me – Accomplished
Not really a goal, but a notable achievement, so I added it after the fact. I was the time out coordinator and the producer forgot to tell me to hold the halftime clock while they did interviews before going to commercial. So at the start of the second half, everyone’s on the court ready to go, and I have to hold them up for about five minutes. The student section grew impatient and began the chant. The exact number of people chanting is debatable, but I’ll just assume everyone was.
Work for the NY Mets – Accomplished, Somewhat
Triple A organization counts, right?
Be in Champagne-Spraying Celebration
Why do pro athletes get to do this and not anyone else? I think that should a bachelor party thing. You get some guys, go somewhere and play a sport, and while you’re playing some clubhouse guys hang plastic over your lockers and set out the champagne. Once the game’s over, you all celebrate like idiots and the clubhouse guys pass out custom hats and t-shirts. Guys would pay money for this.
Have a Menu Item Named After Me at a Bar/Restaurant
I really want this one.
Find Wife to Handle All My Gift/Card-Giving Needs
I desperately need one. So I can stop paying outrageous shipping charges.
See a Street Car Collide with an Automobile
Oh, I really want to see this. One day, I’m taking a lawn chair to St. Charles Avenue just to watch and wait for it. Hopefully, I will not be in the vehicle getting crushed.
Help Kandice Find a New Goal
I got nothing.
I will add to this when I think of some more things I really wanted to do at one point in my life. Feel free to add suggestions/obvious omissions in the comments.