Just Photo Shoot Me.

From a “net result” standpoint, there has to be no bigger waste of time in all of human existence than photography shoots.

Let’s say I need a picture of a group of 42 people together. I have to schedule a time (bouncing back and forth between two parties and two middle men), scout the shot, plan for a location, set up the location, discuss what everyone is wearing, get everyone to show up and show up wearing the same thing, make sure the location/arrangement meets lighting needs of the photographer, help the photographer carry stuff from the car, sort people by height, get everyone arranged, make sure everyone’s got sunglasses off, make sure the spacing is even, watch as a photographer counts to three about 14 times, make sure one of the shots work, restore the location to its original condition, help the photographer carry his stuff back out to the car, get the images from the photographer, sort through them for the best shot. Combine multiple images into one shot to create an ideal mosaic (since someone blinked in each one). Take the blank shot of the empty location and apply that as the background (different lighting, sky looks bland when the shot is lit for people), slide the background over since someone obstructed my ideal background.

All told, that was about four hours worth of work. So I could capture one-thirtieth of a second.

I put 432,000 times that into getting the picture. To put that in perspective, if you were trying to seduce a woman into a one-hour interlude of intimacy, and it took the same ratio of effort to outcome, it would take you 144,000 three-hour dates (one per day for 395 years).

Then again, it’s still better than “running the 100-meter dash in the Olympics.” They probably train more than two hours a day for 600 days for that.


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