A Random Thanksgiving

November 25, 2010

It’s been a while, so here’s a few weeks worth of random thoughts that I jotted down to pass along. Now seems like a good time to share.

This just might be the most ridiculous thing ever: I have something stuck between my teeth that I can’t get out. And it’s a frayed bit of dental floss.

When you’re having problems with Adobe products and call their help center, they will email you status updates of your Adobe Acrobat installation problem… in PDF format.

You know the female Animaniac, Dot, has to be a total kinky slut by now. You could always tell she was dirty on the show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUJOAaxqc0U

Do new editions of the AP style guide include proper style for rappers? Like Jay Z vs Jay-Z? Or the prefered format for a.k.a.-ing a rapper? As in, “MC Hammer, a.k.a. Stanley Burrell dissed fellow rapper Jay-Z today.”

A student gave me her business card today. It actually wasn’t a business card because she’s just a student and is unemployed. It just had her name, email and phone number on it, and her college. On the back, there were four lines for her or I to write something, under the header “How You Remember Me:”  So I wrote on the back: “She was the student who had business cards.”

The other day, I filled my coffee pot with water, and remembered that I was out of sugar. So I grabbed a few packets while I was there in the break room/mail room. Between the coffee pot and the items from my mailbox, I was out of hands, so I just slipped the sugar packets into my pocket.  One of the sugar packets had a hole in it and now there’s a ton of sugar in my pocket. To rectify this, I empty my pockets out and brushed off the best I could, but it’s never really enough. And someone walked by office while I was doing this, and I looked like a veteran prisoner beckoning to a young inmate to become sadistically involved.

I’m doing some radio work at my new job. And by radio, I mean “internet audio.” I’ve watched a ton of TV games and listened to hundreds of radio games. So sounding like a real broadcaster is something I can fake. We reach a media time out, and I threw it to the commercials with a very smooth outro… Only we don’t have commercials.  So I’m saying “We’ll be right back after this.” When “this” is “silence.” Instead of channeling a TV announcer to try and make my broadcast sound good, I really should be channeling Craig Ferguson and trying to sound Unprofessional.
“We’ll be back… after this silence.”
“I’m turning my mic off now.”
“[tell score], I’m going to have some water. Sit quietly.”
“We’ll be right back, after the hole where the commercials should be. I should sell my OWN ads. If you’d like to have an ad, send a check to KevFu at (address).”


A Win For Laziness

November 14, 2010

While my boss is out of town, he’s having myself and my coworker feed his dogs (I know. I don’t know why he couldn’t find someone who actually has/like pets to do it). Splitting time on puppy patrol, my coworker and I are trading his keys back and forth by leaving them on each other’s desks.

That’s been a little frustrating to have to drive six extra blocks to the office, which adds 24 blocks round trip. And as I’ve outlined before, the parking lot is like 100 yards from the door to our building. Along the 100 yards, is a little plaza with trees, some benches and a bronze Tiger (our school’s mascot).

So, on my way back to drop off the keys the other night, I thought “screw it,” and just drove across the plaza right up to the front door.

Which scared the bejeezus out of four kids who were huddled around the Tiger, probably about to vandalize it because they ran like hell.


Adjusting to California (Motorist Edition)

November 9, 2010

One thing I don’t get about California is the attitude towards two-lane streets. There’s a road with two lanes in each direction on my way to work… and there’s a couple of stop signs on it. Why would you have a four-way stop sign on a road that’s four lanes wide total? If it’s got so much traffic on it you need two lanes, then it’s got enough traffic to put a stop light up.

I have to cross the end of that street, still four lanes wide, to walk into my office. And when you step into the shoulder, people 100 feet away will come to a stop and wait for you to cross. It baffles me. There’s four lanes. There’s plenty of room/time for me to walk across the street and dodge you. Just keep your speed and I’ll avoid you. I feel like a jerk when you stop. I’m not a school boy, I can cross the street without getting hit.


On The Road Again

November 5, 2010

This road trip was unique because I hadn’t slept in an actual bed since August 19th (if you’re scoring at home, that’s five weeks in a hammock, six weeks on a crappy futon, and two weeks on an awesome couch).

As I was looking out the bus window in Los Angeles, I was thinking “this is everything  exactly like my mental image of LA: jammed free ways, palm trees, 90 degree weather, smog, atmosphere, vibe… God I miss New York.”

And when someone casually mentioned places I knew existed but were always well outside my universe, I almost said things like “oh, what were you doing in Anaheim?” before I realized “wait, I live in California. That’s totally normal.”

Other than that, it’s been your typical road trip.

You know you travel for business a lot when you have to have a slot in your cell phone address book to store your current hotel room number.

I list it first in my phone (“A Hotel Room”), so when I accidentally pocket dial, I’m not annoying a friend with an A name. (Your welcome “Amy ___” and “Alario, ____” !).

The other signs I travel a lot:
— I can pick up a hotel remote and instantly operate it without having to look at the buttons (including rarely used keys, like “Sleep”).

— My frequent flyer and hotel rewards numbers are on one slip of paper in my wallet in front of my pictures.

— I have a travel copy of every toiletry, which is always packed.

— When I go to iron a dress shirt at home, I open my closet, don’t see an iron hanging on the wall and say “oh, right.”

— I have purchased only two bottles of hand lotion in the last nine years.

— The first thing I look at when entering a room is “do the thick curtains go all the way across the window, or do I just have some flimsy thing that blocks no light?”

— I bring my own coffee with me, since hotel coffee is garbage.

— I have a power strip in my laptop bag so I can charge my laptop and phone next to the hotel bed or at airport gates.

— I have used 37 different pillows in the last 11 years, yet purchased only two. Once a year on a bus trip, I trade them in like they are Craftsman tools.