An Enjoyable World Series.

October 30, 2010

Now that the Phillies and Yankees have been eliminated from the playoffs, I am a better person. It’s amazing to even me the pure evil that spews from my mouth while watching those two teams in the playoffs. I find myself loathing the people they show in the stands for no other reason than they are rooting for a team I hate and they look like douche bags I want bad things to happen to. During last year’s Phillies-Yankees game at Citizen’s Bank Park in Philadelphia, I actually yelled at the TV that I was rooting for a blimp filled with AIDS to hit the stadium.

But now that it’s Texas vs San Francisco, my animosity levels drop drastically. Sure, I’m not a fan of Texas, and I still hold a grudge with the Giants for leaving New York 20 years before I was born. But it’s not the vile contempt I have for the Phillies and Yankees.


Stream of Consciousness (XVII)

October 25, 2010

I love October. Post-Season baseball, college basketball around the corner, the Islanders aren’t mathematically eliminated yet, and Friday the 13th movies on TV.

My new couch arrived and while it’s great, it needs to be broken in. The cushions are a lot more firm than the ones on the floor model. One method I’ve adopted to soften them up is jumping on them. Which is a lot of fun. It’s like being a child again. Only as a child, when I’d jump on the furniture for 20 minutes every few hours, I never thought “My downstairs neighbors probably think I’m having a lot of bad sex.”

Two awesome stories you need to read if you haven’t heard already:

Laptop thief mails victim a backup of his data.  

The Islanders Matt Moulson was chilling in his hotel room when he got a twitter message:

And he went and signed autographs.

 


Happy Birthday to all the Fetuses and Elderly.

October 19, 2010

I don’t understand the people who go on facebook and wish happy birthdays (etc) to people who are clearly not on facebook.  I saw someone wish a Happy Birthday to their 90 year old grandma-ma. Super that grandma-ma made it to 90, but she isn’t going to read that.

Or they wish a happy birthday to their toddlers. I know kids are doing things at a younger and younger age, but three is just too young to have a facebook account. (Although, it could be funny to tag an uploaded ultra sound picture). But setting up a facebook account for your young child is just creepy. Like, Amber Alert creepy. If you want to tell your child happy birthday, how about going into the room where he’s watching Sesame Street and saying it to him? (speaking of Sesame Street, if he’s watching this, that’s awesome.

And of course, no stupid shout-out trifecta would be complete with the people who wish a happy birthday via facebook… to their pets. Your pets have no concept of birthdays, they just enjoy that you’re being extra nice to them. Like your small children, they don’t have facebook accounts. They don’t know how to log on to facebook. They also can’t read your greeting. Also, animals don’t use computers.

Basically, if you’re posting well wishes to people who can’t possibly see them, you’re pretty much a Farmville post away from being unfriended by me.


KevFu vs the Elusive Comfy Couch

October 13, 2010

Upon my move to California, I decided to buy new stuff instead of shipping my old stuff left, since it would be the same price and, hey, new stuff.

After picking out a cool coffee table on Overstock.com, the checkout procedure revealed that my credit card was inactive. Apparently, due to a security breach, my account was closed, and I was sent a new card.  Despite the fact that I had been paying monthly on the balance of the closed account via online banking, I wasn’t notified online. But via mail. To my old place. In New Orleans.

With the coffee table on hold (sold out before I got my new card), and no card yet, I re-prioritized my shopping list.

Which brings us to the couch. I began the arduous task of finding a comfy couch, long enough to sleep on, sitting on hundreds of dismal couches all over the Central Valley. Most suck. A good couch you sit in not on.

It wasn’t until a day trip to Old Sacramento with the Hil Bomb (not that she’s explosive, her old IM name contained those elements), that I found my couch when she took me into a Macy’s.

And BAM! Comfy couch. On sale. But still kinda pricy, so I went to see if it was available online from someone else for less (hahahah!. No.). And of course, the sale expired, so now my couch was like $1250.

Bam! Fluffy Comfyness! (Two pillows included).

Then, in celebration of Christopher Columbus kicking off the mistreatment of Native Americans, another sale! I immediately called the Macy’s in Stockton to ask if I could pay with a check. Sure. Out of state check? Yeah. Out of state check with an address that doesn’t match my out of state driver’s license? Hell no.

 

No biggie. Hit up the bank, drive over, pay in person with cash, order my couch. Quick 10 minute trip, right? Wrong. You can’t buy items at the store which Macy’s doesn’t stock in that particular store. The Macy’s in Stockton does not have furniture. So I would have had to buy the couch, in Macy’s, from Macys.com. Which means credit card.  And I still haven’t gotten the new card.

Long story short, on Monday, I went to the bank, took out a very large sum of money to walk around with in cash (I asked the teller: “When you finishing counting it and hand it to me, could you congratulate me on my impressive wager?”)

I drove an hour to Old Sacramento to pay for a couch, set up a delivery date, had an awesome tri-tip sandwich (you can tell the place is the owner’s lifelong dream when the guy who makes it for you grins like a fool while watching you sit and eat it) and drove back to Stockton.

And since I got such a great deal on my comfy couch ($350 off), I decided to stop to look for some of the other items I still need: coffee table, bookcase, dresser, microwave, bathmat, etc… and naturally left the strip mall without any of those things, buying only a PS3 game instead.

I can’t wait for the couch to arrive, because after the cost of parking, gas and dinner, it feels like I just spent close to $1,000 for NHL11. And why PS3 changed the controls on NHL is beyond me. I’d only been using the same freaking buttons for 18 years now.


Why I Hate America

October 8, 2010

You’re sitting there watching TV and you see that your local baseball team just won a game and are now division champions! They’re going to the playoffs for the first time in 15 years and they are celebrating by spraying champagne on each other and smoking victory cigars.

Do you:

A)    Beam with civic pride for your local team

B)     Call the local health department because the team is SMOKING in their WORKPLACE!

Five people in Cincinnati picked B.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/blog/big_league_stew/post/Busted-Reds-reported-after-smoking-victory-ciga?urn=mlb-273745

These people should instead take the time to actually read the now rescinded report which is used to claim second-hand smoke kills. In reality, the odds of second hand smoke being the cause of lung cancer in non-smokers is statistically insignificant.


The Commercialization of my Stream of Consciousness (XVI)

October 2, 2010

I’m not a fan of Apple products, but the worst damage they’ve inflicted is the music on their iphone/ipad commercials. Because every single product is now using a similar annoyingly upbeat musical score to all their ads now. You can identify it with the simple piano hook and snapping and/or clapping.

The Snuggie! Now featuring novelty dances from 15 years ago!

There’s one thing I’m fairly certain of in life: If I mastered a Fushigi, my friends would not be amazed, mystified or impressed. They’d call me a freaking dork.

Do 45 year old women get mad at the CougarLife commercial because all the girls in it are like, 28 years old?