I Think I Just Lost A Kidney

I moved from New Orleans to Texas March 1st.

The last week of February, as I was packing up my stuff, I got a message from a friend of mine from Ohio whom I hadn’t talked to in a while. It was sent via facebook to me and to a girl named Beth. Basically, it said:

KevFu, meet Beth.
Beth, meet KevFu.
Both of you are living in New Orleans as non-natives. I’m connecting you because fellow New Yorkers should have northern drinking buddies from time-to-time.
(A bit about the other one, and why she thought we’d be friends)

Since I was moving in three days, and being a smartass, I replied:

If you said something earlier, maybe Beth and I would be BFFs by now… inseparable pals with such a deep connection we are able to dominate at parlor games like Catch Phrase. Buddies so close we finish each others’ sentences. Or spend quality time riding one of those two-person bikes through Audubon Park wearing matching sweaters. We might even be such a perfect match we could donate organs to one another, and if she was on life support and needed one I’d gladly give up one of my kidneys or livers for my new bestest.

Congratulations, Jeanne. Your six months of silence just killed Beth.

We traded a couple messages, laughing over my response and the absurdity of two-person bikes. But we never met each other before I left town.

So tonight (after the Mets game in Houston), I get a message from Jeanne:

Remember when I sent you a note about my friend being in town [recap of what I said about the kidney]?
WELL, while she’s alive and not in need of a kidney, she DID just find out she only has ONE!!! How freaking crazy is that?! If it goes, I’m calling you, dude. You’re getting tested to give her one of yours. :)

I almost feel responsible. Well, not responsible because obviously it isn’t “my fault.” She isn’t a kidney short because I made the comment. She found out a second one just isn’t there and never was (how did this not come up when she was, like, in the womb? Isn’t that what sonograms are for?). But it’s not like the kidney was there a year ago and disappeared after my comment.

I have to feel that this is just way too freaky of a coincidence for me to make that comment and now have this come up. I mean, the odds of me making a comment and her actually needing a kidney are extremely long.

My friend tried to introduce us for a reason. The timing was off then (although, if we were drinking buddies in New Orleans, we might not have two working kidney’s between us!). I made a joke about how important this introduction might be; using her kidneys as an example. And the timing of the new development coincides with me moving again (oh yeah, I’m California bound. Check the Facebook for details), and getting health insurance again.

So, based on some kind of crazy karma/subconscious/psychic thing between the comment, the situation, and the timing, I pretty much have to put my money where my smart ass mouth is, right?

If she needs one, I’m going to have to be first in line to see if I’m a match. How could I live with myself if I didn’t?

I pretty much need to assume that someday, I can post a video here from some news site that did a feature on Beth and I, each with one of my working kidneys, riding a tandem bicycle in Audobon Park. (Why did I have to mention matching sweaters?).

Hopefully (for her sake more than mine), that never happen. But if you think I’m a great guy because I would go through with that, just remember what a cocky jerk I am. If that happens, I’m going to be a million times worse: “Oh, I don’t think I’m awesome because I saved someone’s life; Anyone would do that. I’m ridiculously awesome because I accurately identified that she needed my kidney, before any doctor, without performing any kinds of tests or even meeting her.”


One Response to I Think I Just Lost A Kidney

  1. Kate Souder says:

    Jeanne is so stupid. I know this because I lived with her. So stupid.

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