Census 2010

First off, the US Census did an outstanding copy writing job for their promos in the NCAA Tournament. Instead of some useless drivel like “Stop in to your local Subway for any 12 inch sub, which is now a five-dollar footlong. For a limited time only. Subway. Eat Fresh.”  which sounds all fake and stupid, the US Census drop in was simply:  “Please fill out your US Census card and mail it back.”  It was so brief and brilliant, that the announcers were talking about it and making jokes about it.

I just saw a full commercial for the US Census, reminding us how the data compiled will decide such meaningful things like where roads, hospitals and schools are built, and how many Congress Representatives our state has.

That’s when it hit me: Why don’t we all, as a society, put a big fat ZERO on our cards and reduce our Congressional Reps to ZERO?

By declaring the population zero, we wouldn’t get any federal funding… but we wouldn’t have any congressmen raising taxes, and we wouldn’t be paying their salaries. Then we’d just have to convince the Senate to cut out all kinds of stupid programs we no longer need (because there’s no people to “benefit”) and we’d be taking the necessary steps to shrink our bloated government.

I also heard a news report that making an incorrect estimate on the number of homeless could have a drastic effect on funding. Like, that missing by 1,000 could mean losing $15,000,000 in funding. FIFTEEN MILLION. Per Thousand? That’s $15,000 per homeless person. A Year. I lived on $12,000 a year one year. And still afforded MLB Extra Innings and large bar tabs.

If you handed me a project of “Get 1,000 homeless off the street” and you gave me a budget of $15 million, I’m not only sure I could do it, I’m sure I could turn at least half into millionaires. I’d make the 1,001 of us 50-50 partners with an Indian tribe, open a $10 million casino & hotel (with 1000 rooms). My hobo army would be employees, live in the hotel (two a room). Within five years, we’d all be millionaires.

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