Things I Learned During Mardi Gras

  1. I’m grateful I learned to dress in layers up north, as it is a skill that comes in handy during Mardi Gras.
  2. Likewise, if you include a pair of warm-up pants underneath baggy jeans as part of your layer system, you have something to sleep in no matter where you have to crash following a day of drinking.
  3. I am a very economical packer and drinker: Gloves, extra sweat shirt, flash of Crown Royal. End of list.
  4. Various hand gestures and techniques can be employed to attract float riders to throw you beads/throws. However, it doesn’t really matter, because the tall, hot chicks are getting all the good stuff.
  5. You can overcome #4 by having a tall, hot chick who knows how to share in your group
  6. Inexplicable soccer losses/draws are easier to tolerate when they occur during a week of parades with no open container laws.
  7. Defensive Backs have the best time on a parade float of any positional group.
  8. Cell phones aren’t reliable when the population of city limits quadruples for parades.
  9. Mid-City parade crowds are territorial
  10. Uptown parade crowds are full of friends you haven’t met yet.
  11. Sending the women of your group to a burrito stand with a guy you just met is okay. They’ll find their way back eventually.
  12. All the recipes for drinks I’ve ever tried myself have tasted awful, but all the recipes someone else suggests are delicious.
  13. Mimosas are delicious.
  14. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
  15. However, you can drink yourself sober
  16. Racing to get across the parade route before they close the street should be an Olympic sport.
  17. I thought figure skating shouldn’t be an Olympic sport until the Figure Skating Drinking Game
  18. Romantic day dreams about greasy breakfast meats may or may not be a cause for alarm.
  19. The lyrics to the Late Late Show theme are a great anthem for drinking and life.

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