Things That Have Always Bothered Me

In the Thriller video there’s credits for MJ and the chick, all the directors, producers, choreographers, makeup artists and Vincent Price… but the zombie dancers never get any props.

Nuke LaLoosh’s delivery in Bull Durham. My God, couldn’t someone have taught him how to throw a baseball? Henry Rowengartner’s mechanics in Rookie of the Year were better.

That Jack Bauer has never used the bathroom or eaten anything ever. Like scatter some empty chinese food cartons or pizza boxes around the HQ set every few hours.

Why Lance Armstrong is a hero. For starters, we all know he cheated like a fiend. Ok, so he battled cancer… then immediately after finding out his remaining testicle still worked, dumped the wife who stayed at his side through that adversity so he could nail Sheryl Crow.

That someone always has to be in the doghouse among fans of the Mets and other teams. If seven guys in the lineup are all-stars, the eighth hitter “Sucks” and “should be released or killed immediately.”

In Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You,” the lyrics go “I wish you joy and happiness, but over all this, I wish you… Love.” Love? Why not SUCCESS? Which rhymes with Happiness?


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