Big Time Problems

I watched the movie “Big” last night. And I decided they need to do a remake of the movie Big, because in real life that chick bails on Josh after three weeks because he isn’t trying to have sex with her and she read about that in “He’s Just Not That Into You” and cut bait.

The other concerning thing is that he wouldn’t be able to use his name to get a job as an adult, because the 19 thousand cable news networks would be talking about his disappearance on TV every night. Including that really annoying one who looks like she’s going to cry. And his mom would be accused of all kinds of sick things by talking heads who really should be losing their jobs instead of newspaper people.

Come to think of it, the whole movie is one giant plot hole…

The toy company has two execs disappear… wouldn’t they report them missing? And then the cops will have a missing persons report on Josh Baskin, 30-year old toy exec open the day the missing person report on 13-year old Josh Baskin gets “closed” when the kid magically shows up (and of course has absolutely zero story for where he was that makes an ounce of sense. The police would know he was lying).

His biological father, assuming he’s alive, would be convicted in a court of public opinion on the cable news shows, mercilessly questioned by the police, and probably indicted for fraud once the toy company assumes the guy they had working for him was really Mr. Baskin and not a 13-year old.

Pretty much everyone’s life is ruined. Except for Susan, who’d have a second chance to be 13 and could really dominate life knowing at age 13 what she knows at 30… well, except that she’s homeless & parent-less.

I gotta stop watching movies from my childhood. This is almost as bad as realizing Field of Dreams was pure fiction because if Terrence Mann existed, he’d have gone balastic about even heaven being run by racist crackers, since there were no black people in the cornfield diamond.

Speaking of retro entertainment, though: Winnie Cooper got married, and her maid of honor was… Becky Slater.

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