Come With Me And Escape

I was proud of myself the other day. We got a very corporate-cubicle-Office Space style memo about safety from upper-middle management last week. It was titled “Safety Memo” and featured many bullet points I didn’t read.

So naturally, I made a smart-ass reply to many of my colleagues on the list. Eliminating those who lack a sense of humor and/or could have me fired, I replied to most with a very similar memo:

Subject: Safety Dance.

Dear Colleagues, Be Advised:

  • You can dance if you want to
  • You can leave your friends behind; ‘Cause your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance; Well they’re no friends of mine
  • You can go where you want to; A place where they will never find
  • You can act like we come from out of this world, Leave the real one far behind.
  • And You can dance

See also: Safety Dance

Sincerely, the management

I was quite proud of myself because I have always found it hilarious to randomly burst into a ridiculous song that makes people laugh and say “That’s actually not a bad song.” The goal is something dated, that’s kind of a joke, but when you get down to it is just a one-hit wonder you haven’t heard in a while. And of course the real goal is to pick something that will be stuck in your victims’ heads for the rest of the day (or longer).

Of course, Richie owns the ultimate act of head-sticking song hilarity. A couple months ago, someone in the office asked “Hey, do you…” and he immediately interrupted with:

“Yes, I like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
I’m not much into health food
I am into champagne.”

Everyone kind of chuckled until he ended the pause by taking it up an octave or two and continuing:

“I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon
And cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O’Malley’s
Where we’ll plan our escape.”

The song stuck in our heads for a good six weeks. After a great discussion of the plot: Man decides to cheat on old lady by responding to a personal ad, only discovering it was his own woman who placed the ad; Most of us ended up downloading the Rupert Holmes classic. And Richie would play ad nauseam at virtually every event since.

As I escape to Phoenix with women’s basketball, avoiding a hell day football/men’s basketball doubleheader, my MP3 player (which operates on “random play all” at virtually all times) switched from Nirvana to the very same Escape (The Pina Colada Song).

By the way, I’m starting a club for people who have WHAM!’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” stuck in their head. Congratulations you’re now a member

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